Wonderlust (Steel Roses #1) Read online

  I was a ticking time bomb today, and had no idea why. As I sipped a cup of coffee near the catering van a few minutes later, Alex walked over to me with a perplexed look on his face. “What was all that about?” he questioned.

  “What was what?”

  “You’ve been in a strange mood all day.”

  “Sorry, it’s being back home. Can I go and see my friend Liv for a few hours? I don’t think you need me here.”

  “You don’t have to ask my permission. I’ll meet you back at the hotel later. Bring your friend with you,” he smirked, teasing.

  “Call me if you need anything. I’ll think about bringing Liv. You’ll need to promise to be on your best behavior if I do, though.”

  “Am I that bad?”

  “Yes,” I snorted. We both turned when Alex’s name was called. “Looks like you’re needed again so I guess I’ll see you later. You don’t want to keep Maddison waiting, after all.” He nodded before making his way back to the set.

  Liv was still working for a few hours, so I headed back to my apartment to try and collect my thoughts. I’d been so stressed these last few days. My conversation with David had affected me more than I realized. He’d hurt me with what he’d said over the phone. Dwelling on things was a trait of mine, but I needed to know if he’d said what he did out of spite or jealousy. Had getting some distance worked? Did he realize he felt something for me? Then there was Mr. Hot Head Rock Star. What was even going on between us? He hadn’t changed that much from the first day we met, but I was beginning to understand how he ticked. I’d be lying if I denied that excited me.

  Working with your first celebrity crush…how did anyone even deal with that? I was attracted to Alex. I had been for years. The man was a walking orgasm, but I’d been able to keep those feelings at bay because he’d been an asshole toward me. Now that I liked him, things were changing.

  Searching for my old CDs at the back of my wardrobe, I found a few Steel Roses albums and decided to play them. A trip down memory lane, listening to their music, seemed like a good idea until Liv got back from work.

  “Nat!” She was shaking me uncontrollably. I must have dozed off. “You’re here. Oh. My. God! Is Alex in London? Is he?” She was jumping up and down with excitement.

  “No,” I lied. Now didn’t seem like the right time to introduce them. I needed to talk to my best friend about David. “He’s still in Paris. We fly out to…Berlin tomorrow. He gave me the evening off so I flew over.”

  “You are the luckiest cow in the whole world!” She slumped down next to me on the couch and rested her head on my shoulder. “You will let me meet him, won’t you? When he has the time.”

  “Of course. It’s a new job, though, so give me a few months.”

  “I’ve missed you like crazy. You look fantastic. You’re all tanned and shit!” Liv rolled her sleeve up, putting her arm against mine. “I’m pale as fuck!”

  “You look fine. You are your usual beautiful self.” Liv giggled, nudging me. “Are we going to the pub then?”

  “I thought you’d never ask,” she snorted. “You can get the first round in,” she winked, throwing my coat at me.

  “He said that to you?” Liv gasped, choking on her glass of wine. “What a fucking dickhead!” It felt so good to be back in our local pub. It was quiet tonight. A few people were sat at the bar talking to the landlord, but other than that, it was just Liv and me here.

  “I’m worried he’ll find out that I’m in London. I can’t see him…not yet.”

  “You’re still not over him? Nat, you’ve got to let this crap go! You always do this to yourself—fall for the men you can’t have.” It wasn’t always a good thing to have a best friend that knew you inside and out. “Anyone would think you were scared of relationships.”

  “Like you can talk. You haven’t had a proper boyfriend since high school.”

  “I’m waiting for Alex,” she sniggered. “You haven’t spoken much about him. Come on, spill.”

  “There isn’t much to tell.” Her clear blue eyes widened in disbelief. “He’s your typical rock star with a massive ego. Working for him is…challenging.”

  “But you’re enjoying it, right?”

  “God, yes. I’ve met some amazing people. Diego, his stylist, is hilarious. Oh, and I’m good friends with the head of security, Shane.”

  “I see. So you’re meeting lots of men, then?”

  “Yes, Liv. Jeez, could you be anymore obvious.”

  “You need to get laid by someone other than David. I’ve told you this before. I can’t imagine he’s even that good in bed.”

  “LIV!” I cautioned.

  “Oh, no, wait. You never fucked him in a bed. It was just on his desk.” I was about to smack her arm playfully when my phone rang. Her eyes zoomed in on the ID caller. “Holy Fuck, it’s Alex! Please, please, please let me answer it! I can say you’re at the bar or something. Please, Nat!” What harm could Alex do over the phone? I couldn’t disappoint my best friend.

  “Go on then, but behave!” I grinned, watching her squeal and clap her hands before grabbing my phone.

  “Hello, Natasha’s phone. How can I help you?” I held in a giggle at her posh telephone voice. Clearly, she was trying to seduce Alex with it. “Yes, this is,” she giggled, blushing. What the hell did he say to her? She never blushed! “It’s lovely to speak to you, too, Alex. No, she had to go and pee.” What happened to me being at the bar? I gawked at her, but she turned away from me with a smirk on her face. “Well, that would be telling. Yes, I’ve been a fan of yours since Steel Roses. I think you’re amazing.” She did another girly giggle listening to him. “Oh, I could tell you lots of stories about Nat!” That was it; I took the phone off her.

  “Stop charming my best friend,” I scolded down the phone at Alex.

  “I knew you were listening,” he chuckled. “Are you going to bring your friend to the hotel? We’re in the private bar. I just got here.”

  “I don’t think so. I have a few things to do at the apartment.”

  “You really don’t trust me, do you?”

  “Nope,” I snorted. “I’ll see you later.” With that, I hung up.

  “Holy fucking shit! I just spoke to Alex Harbour!” Liv screeched. “Get me another glass of wine!”

  It was late when I finally arrived back at the hotel. I was expecting everyone to be asleep, so I was shocked to find Alex still in the private bar. Walking in to get a closer look, I stopped in my tracks. Maddison and a few other people that I didn’t recognize were with him. They were all sat around a table doing some kind of drugs. Luckily, I was too far away to see what drugs exactly. Alex’s back was to me, so I quickly snuck past him to my bedroom undetected.

  Why did he have to do that shit? My heart sank at the disappointment. I was no expert when it came to drugs, but I knew they were destroying him. Why wouldn’t he fight harder to get off them?

  “Good Morning,” I muttered at Alex over the breakfast table. He looked like death warmed up, and had love bites all down his neck. Classy, Maddison.

  “I didn’t see you arrive back last night,” he mumbled groggily.

  “That was probably because you were too busy getting high with Maddison and her friends.”

  “Yeah, the party got a little out of hand,” he gloated, rubbing the back of his neck.

  “You might want to get your make up artist to cover all those awful hickeys before you go on set today.” I was trying so hard not to sound pissed off, but I was livid with him! What idiot would get love bites when he was shooting a commercial?

  “You’re still in a foul mood today, I see. Didn’t your chat with your friend last night help?”

  “I’m perfectly fine!” I snapped. Looking closer at his appearance, it made me gasp. “Jesus, Alex, you look like shit! What were you taking last night?”

  “I’m not sure,” he yawned, rubbing his eyes. His hair was flattened on one side of his head. Had he even brushed it this morning? “It was a mixtur
e of stuff, I think.”

  “You think? How can you do that to your body?” He shrugged, not giving an answer before reaching out to pour himself some coffee. “You’re going to need more than coffee. You need a hot shower before you go on set. Dustin will flip if he sees you in this state.” Not to mention the director.

  “Are you offering to wash my back?” he winked, teasing.

  “No, I’ll let Maddison do that job.” With that, I got up. “The car will meet us out back in an hour. Let me know if we’re giving your girlfriend a lift, too.” Damn, I was moody today. I needed to get a grip.

  “Girl, you look like you’re ready to bitch slap someone,” Diego commented as he met me outside the back of the hotel. We were already running late. Dustin had called me twice to ask where Alex was. I’d also had more missed calls from David.

  “Is he ready yet?”

  “He’s on his way down. Are you still pissed about this David guy?”

  “No, I’m more pissed that Alex is fucking up his sponsor deal with Latitude. They’re waiting for him on set!”

  “Calm your tits. This is what Alex is legendary for. Everyone knows what he’s like to work with.”

  “I like to keep a tight schedule!” Fuming, I put my hands on my hips. “It’s not professional to keep a set and its director waiting because you’re busy fucking some fake bimbo!”

  “Fake!?” a voice called from behind me. Turning around, I saw Alex standing there with Maddison. Shit! “Well at least I’m not some frigid, stuck up bitch!” Maddison yelled, making a lunge for me. Alex held her back by grabbing her waist.

  “Maybe you should apologize, Natasha,” he suggested, cautioning me with his eyes. Like hell I would!

  “For what? It’s the truth.”

  Maddison pulled against his hold in rage. “You fucking bitch!”

  “I think you should stay here until you cool down. I don’t know what’s bothering you, but I suggest you fucking sort it out!” Alex seethed, getting into the car after Maddison and slamming the door shut. Shit! He was really mad at me.

  I couldn’t understand why my rage was directed toward Maddison and Alex. Why should it bother me who he fucked? It wasn’t like I was jealous. When had I ever cared who he took to his bed?

  Not wanting to hang around the hotel all day, I decided to take the tube to Leicester Square. I found a quiet coffee shop and intended on spending the afternoon there with a good book. David called me constantly, though. I couldn’t turn my phone off in case Alex needed me, and I wasn’t strong enough to block David’s calls yet. Seeing his ID on my phone—as strange as it seemed—comforted me. He was thinking about me. It showed he cared in some form. Speaking to him after his hateful words, however, wasn’t something I was ready for.

  I lost count of the hours I spent watching the hustle and bustle of London around me. Being back home should have been comforting, but the unsettling feeling wouldn’t leave me.

  I tried to blame it all on David, but the truth had nothing to do with that. Maddison spending the night with Alex and marking him in that tacky manner—that had pissed me off. Why did he let her do it? She was just like every other bimbo I’d seen him with. I couldn’t be anymore different from the women that he allowed into his bed.

  The sound of my phone ringing snapped me from my thoughts. For once, it wasn’t David.

  “Alex asked me to call and see how you’re doing,” Diego explained when I answered.

  “I’m fine, really. I don’t know what came over me this morning.”

  “Uh huh, sure you don’t,” he snorted. I glared into my coffee, glad he couldn’t see me. “It wasn’t a case of the green eyed monster, was it?”

  “What could I possibly be jealous of?”

  “Don’t play coy with me, Baby Cakes. You were fine this morning until you saw the love bites all over Alex’s neck.”

  “This has nothing to do with Alex. For fucks sake, I’m not interested in him that way.”

  “The denial will only fuel your want.” Ugh! What was it with Diego and quoting Steel Roses lyrics?

  “If you’re going to start singing, I’m hanging up.”

  “God no! My voice is awful. I leave all the singing to Alex.” It dawned on me that I hadn’t heard Alex sing since I’d been here. Of course, I knew what his voice sounded like; I'd been listening to him for years. He had to sound different when it was just acoustic, though. The strain in his voice from all the drugs and alcohol couldn’t be hidden without the background track.

  “That’s a wise choice. He is the rock star, after all,” I chuckled, my eyes widening when I noticed David walking past the coffee shop window. I sunk down into my chair, not wanting him to notice me. Out of all the places he could be in London, why did he have to be here? As if he could sense my presence, David’s head turned and he froze for a split second, probably trying to work out if it was really me. “Diego, I’ve got to go. David just turned up at the coffee shop.”

  “Shit! Did you invite him?”

  “No!” I swallowed hard, ending the call as I watched the man I was trying to avoid make his way toward me.

  “You’re here?” David gasped, flustered. It wasn’t like him at all. He looked good in his black designer suit and white shirt. His light brown hair was shorter than usual, too. Sarah probably made him cut it. He was under her thumb already; I’d witnessed that before I left.

  “I…I…. Yes, we made an unscheduled stop.” I felt a familiar pull in my body as I gazed at him.

  “And you didn’t think to call me?” Taking the seat next to me, he took my hands in his. “Nat, we need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t,” I whispered, pulling away.

  “Come back to me, please.” It would have been easy to close my eyes and imagine that those words meant something else, but I knew the truth. This was all about his job. He couldn’t organize his schedule on his own. He’d always been useless at that.

  “David, I’m not coming back. I love working for Alex.”

  “He’s a womanizing prick!” David’s eyes looked alive with rage, which was new to me. “You can’t seriously tell me you like working for him! Think about what we had, Nat.”

  “You’re engaged. It wouldn’t be the same.”

  “Sarah wouldn’t have to know. It’s not just your presence at work that I’ve missed. I want things to be like they were before. The late office hours, us using each other to let off some steam. I want that all back.”

  “I’m not that kind of woman, David! I’ve told you this before,” I seethed, standing up. I didn’t want to look at him for a second longer.

  “No! No, wait! I’m sorry, Nat. That came out wrong.” Grabbing my arm gently, he gestured for me to sit back down. “Please, I just want to talk to you.”

  “You have five minutes.”

  “Only five? I was going to offer to buy you another coffee.” He gave me a boyish grin, and my resolve faltered. That was the smile I could never resist.

  “One coffee.”

  Three coffees later, David had filled me in on all the changes at Flavour Records. His wedding was six months away, although it didn’t appear that he’d helped that much with the planning. I told him about the first few weeks of my new job, but left out all the personal things. He could see that I was happy.

  “You really are enjoying it, aren’t you?” he mused, watching me with those dark hooded eyes that I’d loved so much.

  “Alex’s entourage…they’re like one big family. It’s been very easy to settle in.”

  “What about Mr. Rock Star himself? You haven’t mentioned him much.”

  “He’s your typical rocker. There isn’t much to tell.”

  “Nat, he’s Alex Harbour. You must have some dirt on him. What’s his drug addiction like these days?”

  “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

  “You’re staying there with him. That makes it my business.”

  “I stopped being your business when you got engaged. Yo
u have no fucking right to ask about my job or my employer and his habits!”

  “I’m concerned…for a friend.”

  “I don’t come in to contact with any of that shit. You don’t need to worry.”

  “But I do worry about you.” His voice softened as he reached over and took my hand in his again. “Please at least think about coming back. Do a few months for this prick if you really want to, then come back to me. I won’t push for anything else, just our working relationship.”

  “You know I can’t do that, David.” Tears began to form in the corner of my eyes. Why was he making this so difficult? “You shouldn’t be worrying about me, anyway. Sarah is your priority now.” Sighing deeply, he nodded as I pulled my hand away. “I have to go,” I whispered after looking down at my phone and noticing the time. Crap, it was almost eight-thirty. I needed to get back to the hotel. Alex would be finished by now.

  “Will I see you before you leave?” David asked, getting up as I did.

  “I don’t think so. Alex has a busy schedule. It was nice to see you, though. Bye, David.” I rushed off before he could say anything else.

  The tube wasn’t too busy. As I rode, I checked my phone. I didn’t have any messages from Alex or Diego, which was good.

  “How did it go?” Diego asked when I walked into the private bar.

  “What do you mean?” I wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying; I was looking for Alex.

  “Your old boss. He bumped into you then you hung up on me.”

  “Oh, we had coffee and chatted for a while.”

  “That’s it?” Turning to him, I gave him a puzzled expression. “I thought the two of you would have gotten a hotel room or something.”

  “He’s engaged!” I snorted, hitting his arm. “I don’t sleep around, anyway.”

  “When did you get back?” I froze slightly at hearing Alex’s voice come from behind me. He’d been so angry with me this morning. What if he was still cross now?

  “Ummm…a few minutes ago.”